那在外頭的四個月

撰文/王安當

五月中旬，接到修會長上的通知，要在六月前往怡保聖米高堂報到。這是修會接受檳城教區的邀請，再一次派人進入檳城教區從事堂區牧靈的服務。不過，不一樣的是我的服務期限是短暫的，就只有四個月的時間。這是一個過渡的短暫服務，目的是協助檳城教區緩衝人手不足的需要。

五月底，我就抵達了怡保聖米高堂，也跟上任的本堂神父交接了堂區的各種堂務。檳城教區主教也蒞臨交接儀式，留下了幾句重要的訊息，也就是重視教友們的靈修和聖事的需要。對我而言，接受修會長上的派遣，需要暫時離開修會團體生活，一個人在外頭生活，為我還是第一次。畢竟，這些年以來我都在修會團體的生活裡工作。

在外頭工作的四個月，尤其是一個人掌管一個堂區，是有一點的考驗。我來到該堂區的時候，晚上除了冷風吹過，還有陰深入幽谷的墳場就在隔壁，這顯得該教堂的氛圍有一點詭異。有人跑來告訴我，說他們見到『兄弟姐妹』，叫我晚上沒事不要出門。回想起來，也覺得好笑，就晚上早早熄燈睡覺吧，再看看有沒有詭異的事情發生。

早睡早起，每一天早上都很早起床。不一樣的是，我也很早就出門去了。穿著跑步鞋，趕在太陽出來之前，愉快地在暗淡的公園裡跑步。有人還問我是否晚上難以入眠，所以早上那麼早就出門去跑步，實際上是我睡得早。

每一天早上我除了跑步以外，我也會刻意走到墳場去散步。這裡是很好默想的靈修之地。在這裡可以對著死亡而檢驗自己的生活態度。在墳場看著墓碑上的碑文，我不敢傲慢，只能不斷提醒自己，在死亡前沒有一個人不變成孩子。而我也時不時都需要在這裡主持安放骨灰的禮儀。經文裡的每一個字都是深刻讓我看見信仰的重要性。每一天我都在慶祝生命，因為死亡教會我去生活，不是為人而活，而是為尊嚴而活。

也就因為死亡教會了我去看生命的尊嚴，這也使我在面對堂區各種的挑戰時，特別是來自人性的各種挑戰時，無論是自己或來自教友給的『功課』時，必須要堅持符合福音精神的態度。當然，我也意識到堅持福音的精神是有一定的挑戰。有時候，也會被誤解為不善解人意，特別是堅持某些原則的時候，甚至也被掛上嚴肅和兇的標籤。雖然有這些小事情的考驗，但每一次都在想耶穌到底會怎麼想，會怎麼做的時候，我還是很安慰的，因為耶穌所面對的考驗危機了生命，而我這些考驗只不過是皮毛而已。

那麼，在這四個月裡我最大的挑戰是什麼呢？我覺得語言是其中一個考驗。每一天絕大多數的時間都安排在準備彌撒的道理。為我這一位華校生而言，要以英語來證道真是一個不容易的事情。我總是在想要如何以及簡單易懂的話來證道。不過，要說的是，天主還對我不錯的。即使我並不很能夠駕馭英語，但還覺得自己每一天都在進步。尤其是在講道的時候，往往所準備的講道稿都排不上用場，就當下的環境和氛圍，腦袋裡總有一些不同的啟發。若不是祂的祝福，我想我最終就是念稿而已。當然，我始終相信是祂在說話，而不是我要說話。

怡保聖米高堂大多數都是上了年紀的老年人。所以，堂區似乎不會有太多的活潑活動。所以，這裡的堂區氣氛相較大都市的堂區而言，是比較靜態和維持現有速度的。簡單而言，這裡沒有激烈的活動，但卻有較為穩重的生活模式。

堂區領導層的傳承模式，那是一種屬於君君臣臣，父父子子的一代傳一代的系統。不過，這樣的傳承的模式對於現代世界是有難以接軌的現象。年輕一代的領袖繼承類似的模式，卻在另一處引起了現代化的抗拒，處不來的人就會默默淡化自己。因此，我屢次強調教會的精神是福音為基礎的，而且劃向深處去撒網，是一種離開安逸現況的迫切需要，去挑戰自己的安逸，使自己成為被基督網獲的新門徒。

堂區信仰的培育需要更多的轉化或轉型。所以，我覺得彌撒中的證道是重要的。有別於聖經的詮釋，我嘗試就生活一般的經驗『就地取材』，透過禮儀中的經文說明，生活的例子等等，把天主的話更生活化講給教友們。這也是一種的信仰培育之一。我相信或多或少，這證道的方式是對部分的教友有直接的影響。至少我後來也看見堂區有了一些新的突破。

除此之外，硬體的提升也是需要的。正所謂的『工欲善其事，必先利其器』，提升更為適宜的基本條件是能夠更有效去推動後續的工作。因此，我決定協助堂區提升教室的媒體工具，辦公室的運作系統和環境整理，解決排水系統，持續推動更有效的工作系統。雖然能做的都很有限，也加上我在服務的崗位上時間很有限，也只希望透過這一些小小的舉動可以為後來的神父們鋪路，使他們將來更順暢地專注在培育的方面。

在一個個新的路上絕對不能是一個人的事情。因此，我也很感謝一些默默耕耘的兄弟姐妹們。他們總是在我所需要的資訊裡，提供了很多很有幫助的意見。我知道也看到他們都很想為堂區做更多的服務，只不過每個人都有自己的限度，因此他們很努力提供了他們最為極限的協助，我是很感動的。

也很感謝怕我餓肚子的教友們。我在這期間不缺乏食物，而且我還『腫』了起來。所以，對於他們的照顧絕對沒有可以抱怨的。

四個月的服務，一眨眼之下就到了尾聲。大家都在忙碌於堂區主保的時候，教區宣布了新的堂區行政主任的消息。我覺得這消息來得正是時候。因為我也希望有更好的人選前來這堂區提供更優秀的服務。這四個月裡，我在修會團體外的生活是豐盛的學習。我很開心認識了這裡的教友，他們都是很善良的教友。我也不忘記跟我一起服務堂區的行政人員和戶外的工作人員，因為他們的配合下，許多的系統正在進步，相信只要繼續下去，過沒多久的時間後，一切會比現在更好。

『我來是服務，不是受服務的。』這是耶穌的精神，也因著這一句話，我把我的服務做為禮物獻給天主，也獻給怡保聖米高堂的教友們。

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In mid-May, I received a notification from the Superior of the religious community, informing me that I would be reporting to St. Michael's Church in Ipoh in June. This was the community's response to a request from the Penang Diocese to once again send members to serve in the parishes there. However, my assignment was different in that it was only for four months. It was a temporary assignment aimed at providing relief to the Penang Diocese due to a shortage of personnel.

At the end of May, I arrived at St. Michael's Church in Ipoh and took over the various parish duties from the outgoing parish priest. The Bishop of the Penang Diocese also attended the handover ceremony and left behind some important messages, emphasizing the importance of spiritual practices and sacraments for the parishioners. For me, accepting the Superior's assignment meant temporarily leaving the community life of the religious community and living alone, which was a first for me. After all, I had been working in the community life of the religious community for many years.

The four months I spent working in a remote parish were a profound spiritual journey. As the sole priest in a small, rural congregation, I was thrown into a world vastly different from the bustling religious communities I had previously known.

Arriving at the parish, I was immediately struck by the eerie atmosphere. The church was situated next to a secluded cemetery, which some parishioners claimed was haunted. Tales of ghostly encounters were common, but I chose to approach these stories with a sense of humor and a deep-rooted faith.

To combat any feelings of unease, I established a strict routine. Each morning, I would rise early and go for a run in the nearby park. The solitude and quiet of the early morning provided a much-needed sense of peace. I also found solace in taking long walks through the cemetery, where I would reflect on the fragility of life and the importance of faith. The inscriptions on the tombstones served as constant reminders of mortality, inspiring me to live each day with purpose and gratitude.

As a priest, I was often called upon to conduct funeral services. These solemn occasions provided me with opportunities to offer comfort to grieving families and to deepen my own understanding of death and the afterlife. The words of Scripture, which I shared during these services, offered profound insights into the nature of faith and the hope of eternal life.

One of the greatest challenges I faced during my assignment was the language barrier. As a non-native English speaker, preparing sermons was often a daunting task. However, I found that with practice and prayer, I was able to communicate my message effectively. I discovered that the most powerful sermons were often those that were born out of personal experiences and a deep connection to the congregation.

Living in a small, rural community also meant adapting to a slower pace of life and a more traditional way of doing things. The parish was primarily composed of elderly parishioners who were deeply rooted in their faith. While I appreciated their devotion, I also recognized the need to introduce new ideas and perspectives. I sought to balance the traditions of the Church with the demands of a modern world.

Throughout my time in the parish, I was constantly reminded of the importance of perseverance and faith. There were times when I felt overwhelmed by the challenges I faced, but I always found strength in my relationship with God. As I reflect on my experiences, I am grateful for the opportunity to have served this small, but vibrant community.

The cultivation of faith within a parish requires constant adaptation and transformation. For this reason, I believe that homilies play a crucial role. Rather than merely interpreting the Bible, I tried to connect with parishioners on a personal level by using everyday experiences and real-life examples to explain the Gospel. This approach, I believe, has had a positive impact on many parishioners. I've witnessed tangible growth and renewal within our community.

Beyond spiritual nourishment, I also recognized the importance of improving the physical infrastructure of the parish. As the saying goes, "If you want to do a good job, you must first have the right tools." To enhance the overall parish experience, I initiated projects to upgrade classroom media equipment, streamline office operations, improve environmental conditions, and address drainage issues. While these improvements may seem small, they laid a solid foundation for future priests to focus on spiritual development.

I am deeply grateful for the support of my parishioners and fellow workers. Their dedication and willingness to go the extra mile have been invaluable. I was particularly touched by their concern for my well-being, often providing me with meals and offering words of encouragement.

After four months, my assignment came to an end. As I prepared to leave, I felt a sense of fulfillment and gratitude. I had the opportunity to learn and grow both spiritually and personally. I am confident that the parish is well-positioned for continued growth and development under the leadership of the new administrator.

The words of Jesus, 'I came not to be served but to serve,' have guided me throughout my ministry. It is my hope that my service to this parish has been a reflection of His love and compassion.